My Girlfriend Has Left Me – 8 Lessons To Learn

Your girlfriend has just left and you are feeling betrayed and heartbroken. You may be wondering, ‘Where do I go from here?’ especially if your friends are unhelpfully saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll get over her”.

Here are some practical ways for moving your life forward as painlessly as possible.

The first thing is not to go out and get blind drunk. If you do, you risk getting into trouble (the angry part of your psyche may come to the fore when your inhibitions are removed) or, at the very least, waking up in the morning with a stinking hangover and feeling even more miserable and lacking in self-esteem than you did before your bender. Even worse, you may not wake up alone. The last thing you need now (and contrary to what some of your male friends will tell you) is the sort of girl whom you can pick up while drunk.

The first positive step you can make towards recovery is to accept that the reason why you are minus one girlfriend is because of something you did or, more likely, didn’t do, or, even more likely, weren’t. Women love spotting omissions – snagging men’s behaviour.

How often did you hear her say?:

“I bet you forgot the …”

“You haven’t done the …, have you?”

“I knew I couldn’t rely on you to …”

… and so on.

Remember, with a woman, the messages they send you make up an overall picture which is far bigger than the sum of the individual criticisms. Think back to all those little (or not so little) niggles she had with you. In what direction are they all leading?

Lesson No 1 – Next time, listen to what your girlfriend says and try to gauge what she is really driving at.

The first thing you need to do before you can go any further is to carry out an urgent exercise in damage limitation. While you are having to deal with her name, image or actions being thrust in your face, you haven’t a cat in hell’s chance of getting over her.

As coldly and as clinically as you can, work through the following steps.

Deal with the paperwork

If you lived together (and, possibly, even if you didn’t), you will have joint bills and obligations and still be receiving her post. In a restrained manner, answer each letter or invoice as clearly and as honestly as you can. Put her forwarding address on envelopes if you know it or ‘No longer at this address – no forwarding details known’ if you don’t. Avoid the temptation to put things like, ‘the bitch has left me’ or ‘ask my best mate – she’s gone off with him’.

Lesson No 2 – Don’t do your dirty washing in public – keep your dignity.

Clear her memories away

Make sure your ex gets back all her belongings. Carefully package them up and have them ready for her to collect. When she turns up, be formally polite and even help her carry things to her car. Whatever you do, don’t smash things, have a bonfire or dump her possessions unless she has specifically told you in writing that it is OK (verbally is no good). If she can’t or doesn’t want to collect them, offer to get a courier (it’s worth the cost). Get rid of everything, even the sentimental stuff; photos, letters, mementos etc. She is history and behind you. Only the future lies ahead and that doesn’t include her.

Lesson No 3 – Out of sight, out of mind

Don’t get involved in conversation with her

Only contact her if it is on a ‘need to’ basis. That means if there is a bill or some other important document which requires her attention. Keep your conversations brief, formal, polite, to the point and don’t start reminiscing or pleading. If she thought you were weak, she will now see how strong you really are through a practical demonstration of quiet dignity. Begging forgiveness or otherwise indulging in self-flagellation will only serve to show her how wise she was to get out when she did.

Lesson No 4 – There is nothing more to say so don’t try to say it.

Minimise your contact

If you mix in a particular circle of friends, you are going to keep bumping into each other. You also risk everything you do being reported straight back to her. If she is the vindictive kind, she may even try to sabotage any new relationship. Now is the time to start looking for new friends so take up a fresh hobby, go to different pubs, start an evening course – anything and everything to get you ‘out and about’.

Lesson No 5 – Out with the old, in with the new

Time to take stock

When some time has passed, look at yourself critically and think back objectively to all your ex-girlfriend said about you. Was she right? Think of the way you treat people, how aggressive (or weak) you seem, the way you dress, the circles you mix in, your health, whether you have been unfaithful and so on. Be brutally honest but don’t get depressed if you don’t like what you see – do something about it instead of moping. If you don’t, all that will happen is that your next girlfriend will go the same way as your last as you repeat your mistakes.

Lesson No 6 – Make some resolutions

Start looking for someone new

By now you should be ready to start looking for a new girlfriend. If your work, hobbies and socialising don’t seem to be introducing you to ‘Miss Right’, then join an online dating agency and get looking. Always avoid acting with desperation – someone will come along soon enough.

Lesson No 7 – Don’t rule out the power of serendipity

Keep your standards high

If you are on the rebound or your confidence is at a low, it is easy to drop your standards and end up in bed with someone for all the wrong reasons. This will only make you feel worse and put you in a despair spiral. Hold on to your standards and don’t drop them for an easy lay. Sex is sex and love is love – don’t confuse them.

Lesson No 8 – Be true to yourself

While it might not seem so now, losing a girlfriend can be a positive experience. Crazy? Not if you learn from your mistakes and start appreciating the qualities in a girlfriend that really matter. If you can say this about yourself, you will have come a long way and be much more attractive to real women.

The chances are that you will find someone worthy of you.

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