Is My Husband or Boyfriend Possessive

If you’re reading this, you may be worrying that your partner is the possessive sort. How can you tell where caring for you ends and possessiveness begins?

It’s not easy splitting one from the other, is it? After all, a man who is completely non-possessive is probably someone who is so self-centred that he can’t care about anyone other than himself.

What flips a man into the possessive mode? In most cases, it will stem from an event early in his life: something which caused him to feel insecure. Constant knocks to a male’s self-esteem, especially in childhood, can bring about insecurity.

Despite what he may say, the possessive man cannot really comprehend the concept of love. Deep down he doesn’t know how to love either others or even himself. In consequence, he struggles to see why his partner should want to stay with him and this makes him insecure and possessive. In his eyes, the only way to hold on to someone is to effectively incarcerate them.

Part of this imprisonment process will involve splitting his partner from any outside contact – people who might otherwise undermine his power of control. This is usually done by highlighting their shortfalls and criticising their motives and judgements.

In order to further reduce external influence, nights out together become a thing of the past (although that won’t stop him from going out) and his partner is semi-permanently confined to barracks.

If all goes to plan, he will have succeeded in acquiring a partner whom he rules with an iron fist. She will have only a transient contact with the outside world, have lost faith in her own abilities to judge situations and be completely under his control. Ironically, even if he gets all this, he will not be happy. When it comes down to it, making another person insecure, will not stop him from feeling his own insecurity.

The time will eventually arrive when his partner can take no more and, one way or another, she will leave him or, at least, threaten to do so. At this point he may, depending upon his character, become outwardly or inwardly destructive. Before this happens, a clear exit plan needs to be in place.

Here are ten questions to ask yourself in order to test if your man has become possessive:

  • Do minor disagreements make him aggressive and intransigent?
  • Does he dictate the way you dress, forbidding you from wearing certain ‘tartish’ garments that he used to like you in?
  • Will he, alone, decide which of the few social occasions you attend?
  • Are you interrogated about or escorted to and from even the most mundane of locations?
  • Does he call you up to check you are in a particular place?
  • Has he effectively stopped talking to you about anything pleasant?
  • Does he denigrate you in public (or encourage others to do so)?
  • Is he permanently miserable and lacking in confidence himself?
  • Are you the servant part of a master and servant relationship?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any one of these, you have a problem. If ‘yes’ to several (or more), you definitely have a possessive man on your hands and you need to get away from him immediately.

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